My Food Chain Gang

As you may know, we are heavily involved in our local community theater.  For each play in which we were involved, part of the fun was to see what the newspaper critic would publish about it.  Well, the newspaper reviewer has been canned, and so my husband was asked to take over.  Not wanting the responsibility of the fallout that one might incur when writing about specific individuals in a small town (not to mention his extremely busy work schedule), he agreed to only do the review about the most recent play because he and I produced it.  The following is my husband’s review debut that was (supposed to be) published in the newspaper, and I’ll go ahead and give myself a secondary byline for editing.  I must note however, that those of you who have seen this particular edition of the paper might notice more than a few differences between the two reviews.  And my husband did not write the paragraph about his credentials that appears at the end of the print version – the newspaper wrote it with info my husband supplied when asked how he was qualified to do the review.  It’s just funny that for the past few years, we’ve been assuming the quirks of our play reviews were the fault of the reviewer when in actuality, the newspaper changes much and does lots of editing!

Don’t Hug Me is a Winter Treat

This past Wednesday evening my wife and I had the privilege of attending a preview of Don’t Hug Me, a comedy by Paul Olson.

As we took our seats, my eyes were immediately drawn to the brilliantly detailed set.  Just a quick glance at the rustic wood paneling, Paul Bunyan style restroom sign, and moose head beer tap and I was instantly transported to a northern Minnesota bar.

 The show opens with owners of “The Bunyan” bar Gunner Johnson (played to near perfection by Mike Roberts) and his wife and co-owner Clara (played by stage veteran Mary Beth Snider) caught outside in the cold.  We see Clara fumbling through her purse for the keys as a freezing Gunner becomes increasingly impatient, declaring he will break down the door if they cannot get in soon.  This first little scene sets the stage for the show perfectly.  Minnesota gets cold in the winter, and Gunner is tired of it.  He wants to escape the frigid temperatures and move to Florida, but Clara’s heart is in Minnesota .  This conflict is the basic central plot throughout Don’t Hug Me and Roberts and Snider deliver it with a very nice chemistry together.  Their bantering back-and-forth comes across as genuine and is also very funny.

 Ms. Snider does an excellent job portraying Clara with a wonderful balance between loving wife and strong-willed independent woman while Roberts is very effective in making the audience feel Gunner’s frustration, as well as the cold outside air.  In fact, even under the heat of the stage lights, the entire cast of Don’t Hug Me does a great job of selling the cold wintery theme. Whenever one of Don’t Hug Me‘s colorful characters enters or exits the bar, you can almost feel the chilly Minnesota draft coming in from outside.

Shelley Scantlen portrays Bernice Lundstrom, a waitress at “The Bunyan” and fiancé of Kanute Gunderson, played by Keith Robinson.   Anyone who has seen Scantlen on stage before expects an outstanding performance, and she delivers.  Her accent is pure northern Minnesota, and she brings a naivety to Bernice that is delightful.  The sincerity in which she sings “I Wanna go to the Mall of America” is downright hilarious.  Shelley’s voice is amazing as always, and her duets with Clara and Aarvid are a riot.  Opposite Scantlen, Robinson is very strong as Kanute, a man whose world unravels with astonishing speed, although he’s quick to remind everyone “I played Nathan Detroit in Guys and Dolls”.  Robinson takes us through Kanute’s transformation from, egotistical jerk who has it all, to loveable loser who lost it all (give or take five stores) masterfully.  When he teamed up with Roberts (Gunner) for the duet “You Dirty Piece of…” it was difficult to hear parts of the song over the sound of my own laughter. 

Enter Denver Henderson as traveling karaoke, err, “Life Style System” salesman Aarvid Gisselsen and trouble starts to brew (pardon the pun).  Aarvid wants to sell the LSS-562, a state-of-the-art karaoke system, to the Johnsons and claims it will save their bar which has been suffering in the customer department.  From the moment he enters, Henderson takes command of the stage.  He does an exceptional job, playing the role of a modern day “Music Man” with charm and panache.   Henderson is able to make Aarvid very likeable without compromising the character’s door-to-door salesman savvy.  He also gives a tenderness to the character that makes you root for him to get the girl; the girl being Bernice.  The moment Aarvid first meets Bernice is very well staged.  One look at each other and the ice begins to melt and the sparks start to fly.  Like Roberts and Snider, Scantlen and Henderson have great chemistry, and their duet, the Sven Yorgensen classic “Take a Chance”, is a hoot thanks in part to some hilarious choreography by co-director Crystal Bowers.

Complete with witty one-liners like “Oh, for spankin’ the neighbor’s baby”, hilarious songs like “Victim of My Y Chromosome”, and even a love triangle, Don’t Hug Me is fun from start to finish.  My wife and I had a great time, and so will you. Bravo to directors Zach McAfee and Crystal Bowers along with the cast and crew of Don’t Hug Me for putting together a real gem.  They take to you to Minnesota in the dead of winter and warm your heart. 

Don’t Hug Me is performing at the Little Theatre December 5 – 14.  Tickets are $12 for adults with a discount for students and seniors.  Reservations are recommended.

Of course you do, who doesn’t?  Besides, it’s Friday night, and you’re at home reading my blog!    I guess you could be reading this at a later time…  But anyway, if you’re around my age or older, then you remember Molly Ringwald, a popular actress in the 1980′s from many teen-themed movies such as Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, and the iconic The Breakfast Club.  If you were a fan of these movies as a teen or young adult yourself, you will probably feel old when I tell you that Molly Ringwald is playing a grandmother in her next role.  That’s right – grandma.  A woman whose kid has a kid.  Sigh.  While we’re on the subject of feeling old, I read an article the other day that had some interesting facts about the lives of students entering college this fall.  Each August for the past 11 years, Beloit College in Beloit, Wis., has released the Beloit College Mindset List.  It provides a look at the cultural touchstones that shape the lives of students entering college.  For these students, Sammy Davis Jr., Jim Henson, Ryan White, Stevie Ray Vaughan and Freddy Krueger have always been dead.  Here is some food for thought with the rest of the list:

1. Harry Potter could be a classmate, playing on their Quidditch team.
2. Since they were in diapers, karaoke machines have been annoying people at parties.
3. They have always been looking for Carmen Sandiego.
4. GPS satellite navigation systems have always been available.
5. Coke and Pepsi have always used recycled plastic bottles.
6. Shampoo and conditioner have always been available in the same bottle.
7. Gas stations have never fixed flats, but most serve cappuccino.
8. Their parents may have dropped them in shock when they heard George Bush announce “tax revenue increases.”
9. Electronic filing of tax returns has always been an option.
10. Girls in head scarves have always been part of the school fashion scene.
11. All have had a relative–or known about a friend’s relative–who died comfortably at home with Hospice.
12. As a precursor to “whatever,” they have recognized that some people “just don’t get it.”
13. Universal Studios has always offered an alternative to Mickey in Orlando.
14. Grandma has always had wheels on her walker.
15. Martha Stewart Living has always been setting the style.
16. Haagen-Dazs ice cream has always come in quarts.
17. Club Med resorts have always been places to take the whole family.
18. WWW has never stood for World Wide Wrestling.
19. Films have never been X rated, only NC-17.
20. The Warsaw Pact is as hazy for them as the League of Nations was for their parents.
21. Students have always been “Rocking the Vote.”
22. Clarence Thomas has always sat on the Supreme Court.
23. Schools have always been concerned about multiculturalism.
24. We have always known that “All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.”
25. There have always been gay rabbis.
26. Wayne Newton has never had a mustache.
27. College grads have always been able to Teach for America.
28. IBM has never made typewriters.
29. Roseanne Barr has never been invited to sing the National Anthem again.
30. McDonald’s and Burger King have always used vegetable oil for cooking french fries.
31. They have never been able to color a tree using a raw umber Crayola.
32. There has always been Pearl Jam.
33. The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno and started at 11:35 EST.
34. Pee-Wee has never been in his playhouse during the day.
35. They never tasted Benefit Cereal with psyllium.
36. They may have been given a Nintendo Game Boy to play with in the crib.
37. Authorities have always been building a wall across the Mexican border.
38. Lenin’s name has never been on a major city in Russia.
39. Employers have always been able to do credit checks on employees.
40. Balsamic vinegar has always been available in the U.S.
41. Macaulay Culkin has always been Home Alone.
42. Their parents may have watched The American Gladiators on TV the day they were born.
43. Personal privacy has always been threatened.
44. Caller ID has always been available on phones.
45. Living wills have always been asked for at hospital check-ins.
46. The Green Bay Packers (almost) always had the same starting quarterback.
47. They never heard an attendant ask “Want me to check under the hood?”
48. Iced tea has always come in cans and bottles.
49. Soft drink refills have always been free.
50. They have never known life without Seinfeld references from a show about “nothing.”
51. Windows 3.0 operating system made IBM PCs user-friendly the year they were born.
52. Muscovites have always been able to buy Big Macs.
53. The Royal New Zealand Navy has never been permitted a daily ration of rum.
54. The Hubble Space Telescope has always been eavesdropping on the heavens.
55. 98.6 F or otherwise has always been confirmed in the ear.
56. Michael Milken has always been a philanthropist promoting prostate cancer research.
57. Off-shore oil drilling in the United States has always been prohibited.
58. Radio stations have never been required to present both sides of public issues.
59. There have always been charter schools.
60. Students always had Goosebumps.

I hope I didn’t depress you, but remember, it’s not my list, so blame Beloit College and Molly Ringwald if you feel like an old geezer.  Why don’t we just forget about the list and toast our recycled bottles of Coke to life experience.